


Let Me Yehet One Time

by TheYellowTurtle



Series: EXO Crack Collection [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, I Don't Even Know, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 17:11:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1991019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheYellowTurtle/pseuds/TheYellowTurtle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oh Sehun recounts the time he met Justin Bieber-hyung.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Yehet One Time

**Author's Note:**

> This is stupid.
> 
> Originally posted on AFF.

Thehun? THEHUN?! Really? REALLY?

 

I slam my laptop shut and cross my arms. The fucking fandom has failed me again.

 

I’m Oh Sehun. The devilishly handsome maknae of EXO that can do whatever hell he wants and cause panties to drop at the rub of a lip. So why must wenches portray me as some innocent child with a lisp?!

 

That stage of my life is over! I am the creator of yehet! I have the biggest dick in EXO! Why am I not being portrayed accurately as the greatest thing to walk this earth?!

 

I run a hand through my hair in frustration and look up to gaze at the poster taped to the bottom of the top bunk. I look into shiny, blue eyes and I, Oh Sehun, am reminded that I am not the greatest thing to walk the earth. I am second to the one and only, Justin Bieber-hyung.

 

I swoon over his perfectly sculpted jaw line, which is so much sharper in real life. I bring my hands to rest on my cheeks and sigh. I can still remember the shape his lips form when he says “Baby.”

 

I grab the nearest plushy -Wufan’s collection eventually overflowed into all of the rooms- and bring it to my chest. I giggle as I roll back and forth on the twin-sized mattress.

 

I can perfectly recall the night I met him.

 

*Le Flashback*

 

It was a Saturday night. Joonmyun -bitch ‘aint hyung material- had realized that he had the mentality of fifty year-old man and needed to live it up before his family decided to lock him in the old folk’s home.

 

Living it up to Joonie turned out to be getting the invite to one of Jay Park’s parties. A party that THE Justin Bieber would be attending. (EXO is still contemplating whether or not he made a deal with the Devil). Jay Park parties are for people with swag. Joonmyun has S.W.A.G.  Slippery Wet Ass Goat. What does that mean? No fucking idea, but a slippery wet ass goat should not be at a Jay Park party.

 

I was looking fly. The crazy bitches known as stylists hadn’t touched ~~ruined~~ my hair lately. My neon skinny jeans were highlighting my package, my face was my face, and I was ready to rule the club.

 

We arrived fashionably late by accident. Let’s just say Yixing gets distracted by bright lights.

 

I strutted into the club with my nose raised in the air and that’s when I saw him. Justin. Bieber.

 

“We are one” was fucking damned the moment I saw him.

 

“Baby” was my favorite song during my trainee days, but I was by no means what I would consider a fan.

 

However, when my eyes met his, my heart was stolen. Justin Bieber stole the heart that couldn’t be stolen at first sight. His tilted hat, his pants hanging below his ass, his Calvin Klein boxers, the glazed-over look in his eyes, those fucking tattoos. He was perfection in my eyes.

 

I wasn’t the only one that felt a connection though, and he soon sauntered over to me. Well more like stumbled over and knocked out three waiters in the process -an irrelevant detail.

 

He was soon standing before me. My first impression was that he was short. Like really short. Jonghyun would feel average or even tall next to him. But he was so hot, so very hot.

 

I stared into his eyes. He stared into mine. I looked at him and he looked at me. And I looked at him! And he looked at me! And holy shit! I almost fainted.

 

He took a sip of his beer or whatever the fuck his alcoholic concoction was and winked. He winked! I almost lost it, but I kept my squeals contained.

 

He then opened his mouth and spoke. Spoke! “Heyyy” -with three ys because he was definitely drunk- “If I was your boyfriend, I’d never let you go.”

 

He then proceeded to sling his arm over my shoulders. I purred in satisfaction.

 

*Le Intermission*

 

Quick Story. I’m fluent in English.

 

Why? Because Wufan got bored and decided that it was his duty as "my daddy" -his words, not mine- to teach me English.

 

I learned and it became a key element of my favorite pastime after Han turned out to be some fucking pussy-lover (such a loss to the gay community).

 

Let’s just say my new pastime is creeping on the international fans. I may or may not have had something to do with a ship war. Hint: I did.

 

*Back to Le Fucking Flashback*

 

I purred in satisfaction and nearly popped a boner in my skinnies. He was so fucking hot!

 

I reached out a hand and trailed it up his bare torso. He shivered under my touch causing me to grin. I could tell then and there that it was going to be a fun night.

 

Despite my feeling up of his abs, Justin thought it was still necessary to flirtatiously serenade to me. “Baby, baby, baby, oooooooooooohhhhhhhh.”

 

He sang and I most definitely sprung a boner because, holy shit, Justin just sang to me my favorite song of his.

 

He took my hand in his and tilted his head to a conveniently located utility closet. I giggled and nodded.

 

He smiled and -fuck, the lines “When you smile, I smile”  are so fucking accurate because I was definitely smiling- and then replied, “Swaggy.”

 

We made our way to the closet and opened the door to only find the host of the party Jay Park, Swag master, Mr. Independent, Bad Ass MC, crying in a fucking utility closet at his own fucking party.

 

He looked up to us with teary eyes and started babbling.

 

“There are so many,”  he gulped, “So many females!” He looked around nervously before staring back at his hands. “Fuck. Women scare the shit out of me. I’m a fucking virgin. Bad boy is just my fucking image and fuck I can’t do this anymore. All those women think I can fuck them into oblivion and I can’t do it because I’m a fucking virgin and how the fuck did I end up with this bad ass image and oh my fucking God, I really need a fucking drink.”

 

Justin handed over his beer, Jay took a sip and then continued. “ ‘Do What We Do’? I got that scenario from a porno and it wasn’t even a good porno, like they didn’t even have some fucking smooth jazz playing and anybody who is anybody knows that smooth jazz has to be playing in a porno for it to be some fucking good shit.”

 

He paused for a second and then proceeded to start wailing into his hands.

 

I looked at Justin. He looked at me and we got the fuck out of there.

 

Ten minutes later we found a room with a bed. Score!

 

We ripped each other’s clothes off like fucking rabid animals and passionately made out -with our tongues!- as we did so.

 

He pushed me onto the bed, lubed me up, and had me moaning like it was breathing. I didn't even care if his dick was sub-par. What matters is what you do with it and Justin knew what he was doing with his dick. Trust me, I would know.

 

It was perfect. The dick paint-brushing, the ball sucking, the pissing. It was fucking perfect.

 

We went at it for about twenty minutes before I was finally nearing my climax. As I felt myself about to climax, I let out a shout. “Yay!”

 

Because orgasms are something to celebrate.

 

However, when I was throwing back my head and cuming, something unexpected happened.

 

The door slammed open to reveal Usher -that’s right, motherfucking Usher- standing there and smiling like a doughnut.

 

Seeing Usher, I did the thing any normal person would and said hello. “Hey” is what I ended up slurring in greeting.

 

*Le Fucking Flashback End*

 

I sigh into my pillow and begin to giggle.

 

The origin of “Yehet” shall never be known.

 

That is a tale for Justin, Usher, and I.

 

Yehet for me, bitches.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry?


End file.
